Question by : I gentleman’t know how to fit in with this existence?
Don’t really sort to clear up to peoples, but my possession’s acquiring weaker every tomorrow. Figured I’d station online to unknown for recommendation.. yeah. Anyway, I’m 20 twelvemonth yesteryear, I guess I’m a recluse? I have unity actual soul that I bent putout with, but we’re not finale at all. By that I expectation, we gentleman’t talking to each other about our life or thing that actually matter (statesman me than him), and that’s fine with me. I’m not existent big on getting close to people. Never had a girlfriend, not still nigh. Never been kissed. I thought for a long time that I wanted somebody to spend my life with, but anymore I’m not so sure. I guess I wanted to find my “psyche mate” and no longer believe that such a thing even exists. There tin’t actually be someone for everyone, it just doesn’t add up mathematically. Biggest problem is I gentleman’t like myself. Or I do, but I gentleman’t like that I do. Not really sure. I have no motivation towards my wash. Didn’t go to college, and never plan to. The very idea makes me sick. Don’t really like the job I’m working at now, but nothing else sounds any better, and you gotta have money to live. I have an elite talents, but I gentleman’t pursue them because they gentleman’t interest me enough. I like to be on the move. When I have a day off of work, if I’m not away from home for most of the day I feel like I’ve completely wasted it. Spent a lot of time in the past bowing rpg picture games because it was my escape from reality I guess. I wasn’t me, I was someone else someplace else. Anymore though, I tin’t do it. Hate sitting still all the time, being cooped up indoors. That and it feels like a complete waste of time. I gentleman’t feel like I fit into this world at all. Most people (at least about here) seem pretty common, observance boasting, partying with friend, etc. And if not they’re like the complete opposites who go out and do their own thing, I dunno, art, reading, extreme biking… whatever deviates from the “norm”. But for me I tin’t find a “thing”. Nothing here seems right. I just feel like I should be someplace else. Problem is, flushing traveling to other places appearing boring to me. It’s just the Saami thing with different people.. I feel like I’m just waiting to die, and kinda looking forward to it, because then at least there’s a chance that maybe there’s a life after this one and that’s where I wanna go. Not that I truly truly believe in that, but I guess there’s always a chance. Not really big on the faith thing, I gentleman’t want to offend anyone so I won’t say solon.My life feels like a lie. I’ll admit, I’m not sure who I am. People always say how nice I am, and how I’m quiet and everything. I guess that’s true to them, but they’re not in my head. I gentleman’t feel like I’m such a city person. I mean, I’ve never been into problem, gentleman’t really want to be. Never drank, never did drug, gentleman’t break the law, have no desire to “drama” women or anything. On paper I’m mr. goody 2 shoes. I care about other people to an extent.. like if I saw someone dying, I’d try to help them. At the Lapp time I feel like I gentleman’t care about them at all though. I feel like if someone where to try to rob me or something I could shoot them without a second thought and not level feel bad about it. And most days, I kinda feel like I want to get into with somebody. I gentleman’t know why. Not sort fatality people, but I feel like I’m looking for a fight for no imaginary ground.Really running out of options, and time. Not getting any younger. I suppose I could just holding doing what I do until I’m dead. Of course I’ll feel as if I’ve wasted my unit life. I’d rather die than be put on some medication for “depression”. I gentleman’t want anything in my system that affects my decision making like that. Won’t drink for that ground. Won’t go to therapy either.. just not an option. Most days, I feel like I just want to take off. Figure I might make it an elite weeks or so before I die, but at least I’ll feel alive for a change. I dunno. Just suck.Didn’t see another way to response.I’m already exercising a lot. I work out tercet times a week and run almost every tomorrow. Doesn’t seem to do much for me. I figure If nothing else I have myself, so I may as swell keep my body healthy. I already drama drums (once and while anyway.) Like I said, doesn’t really hold my involvement. Feels like a complete waste of time. I gentleman’t want to date somebody just to have a date. And I’m not existent big on meeting new people. I’ve always heard you should be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. Besides, I gentleman’t privation kids, have no goals in life.. close thing I want to do is drag some homeless girl down with me and ruin her life too. How many woman gentleman’t neediness kids and gentleman’t care what they do with their lives? I tin’t guarantee her a decent, stalls life, so I feel I’m not good enough to be with someone. And I gentleman’t see myself changing my mind on that, regardless of what other populate say. It’s a lesson thing I guess.Can’t do therap- Therapy*. Sitting face to face with somebody like that, I’d just lie to em. Not comfortable with it. Don’t really belongings people too much.
Best response:
Answer by El Anne’s Rehab Photo
I’m older than you but we have the Lapp exact life.My advice..go seat a therapist.They’re pretty non-judgemental and will listen everything you have to say..every ached you;ve experienced, every sadness you’ve had, every anger youre felt..and they won’t judge you.It really helps to have some care that to spoke to..Therapy won’t effectuating your decision making. I will just assistance make your decisions a little more clear to you. When you’re mind is in such a darkness place it’s hard to see what’s up from what’s plumage.
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I’m kinda the same way my only friend is my boyfriend and I spend a lot of time alone. Sounds like you have depression though. Before I met my boyfriend I had no one and i was really depressed. Now that I have my boyfriend I feel much happier because we are very close and I can talk to him about how im feeling. You seem like I nice guy so start looking for someone you can be close with trust me it helps a lot. You don’t need a lot of friends just one close one. You can also start exercising a lot because it helps with deppression and anxiety or you could talk to a doctor! Get a guitar and learn to play it. Just force yourself for now to find a hobby or something you enjoy doing to give you some sort of happieness and you could also meet someone with similar interests. I’m sorry about your situation =(
Okay so you didn’t write this because you wanted help? Because you ar pretty much saying your just fucked for the rest of your life and there is nothing you can do about. You can either change or complain that you don’t fit in this world and stay miserable for the rest of your life. Why did you even need to write this if no one will change your mind? Just venting? Quit being pussy and change something if you think you are so miserable or just get over the fact that you will never have a happy life.
This is sad. I’m not like you, but I am in some ways. I escape reality through drinking, drugs, and sex. I have searched and searched for someone to spend my time with but have come to the same conclusion as you, it just isn’t possible. It won’t happen. Being dead inside, I think, has less to do with what you do, but more to do with who you are. The way your brain works. You could go out and experience everything in life but you would still have the same feelings inside you… I wish I could help, really. Hopelessness is hard that way.
The only way to fix this is for you to make yourself fix it. See a therapist and tell him the truth, don’t be stubborn. Spend time with family if you have some, or go out there and make some friends. Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but stop feeling sorry for yourself.